Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present, the Lori fic! I've archived How an Ensign Became a Poolboy temporarily at my Geocities site for your reading (dis)pleasure. Now, I'm off to look for a lawyer....

My muse has taken off into strange and scary directions and I'm balking at going with her. I think I've officially scared people with some of the things I've produced recently and I'm not sure the reason why. This isn't just angst anymore, folks, it's something else, and I'm actually quite disturbed by the phenomenon. I'm hoping it's a momentary fad and will slip away. In the meantime, I did some more work on "Stay" and brought some parts into line with "Pathways" as well as added some things to the ending which I think will help round out the story a bit. Again, this story is still not 'complete' and I'm probably on draft number 80 at this point. I'm shooting to have it all done next week.

I did manage to pull it together today to get the Lori fic done. It's called "How an Ensign Became a Poolboy" and it's disturbing for other reasons. I have a couple more edits to do to it before getting it ready for primetime, but in general, it's got to be the silliest thing I've written in a long time. And note, silly is not scary.

I'm wondering if the muse is tired or if she is simply overwhelmed by the below "push comes to shove" deal. In one way, I love working with other people to generate ideas and write it up together, but on the other hand, I also have a very set way of how I do things and how I want things to be done. yes, sometimes, I can be a type A personality. As a coworker said one day, I can be really laid back about where 800 computers could be, but when it comes to making sure everyone has an equal share of candy, whoa, watch out. So I still haven't made a decision whether to stay or go.

I got some lovely, lovely FB for "All Things" from someone whose writing I greatly respect and admire. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I honestly did not think this story would get noticed at all and the fact that someone did enjoy it, did see it for what it really was, means so much for me. Definitely another note to add to the "Read when you're feeling down" pile (anyone else have this?).

I mentioned to zendom today, it's not the FB that matters to me anymore, but rather am I writing what I need to write? What I want to write? Whether there's an audience or not, well, I've got to write what I want to write, right? I think that's why this whole "push comes to shove" is really bothering me. I can pervert my own sense of what I want to write only so many times before it starts to bother me. I can probably get something out based on a pairing or an idea, but it's not going to be the best quality necessarily and as the C/T fic proved, it can be downright scary.

That's not to say I don't appreciate FB. I do. I love it. I crave it. I want it. I'm immensely gratified that people take time to read and write, sometimes wonderful indepth FB, sometimes simple little notes. All of equal value. However, as Lori pointed out, FB is getting scarce these days. So it really comes down to writing for yourself, not for the FB. If you're writing for the FB, I think it could get disappointing. There's a black hole some stories disappear into and that's just the way things are. Can't explain it, can't understand it, but that's how it can be.

Anyway, I've made a resolution to FB at least three stories a week. When times are tough, that might be a tall order, but for right now, I think it's realistic enough. And believe me - it's purely selfish. I just sent off long and detailed FB to an author whose works I adore; hopefully she will write some more? Hey, you never know...

It's time to let the muse rest. Perhaps with rest... good night, moon.

Here's the big question in my mind right now: when is enough enough? I mean, really. When push comes to shove, what do you do? Do you push back and say, no, I'm not going to do this because I don't believe in it, or do you honor your committment and stick around and do the best possible job you can? I've had this situation so many times, but most of the time when you're dealing with executives, there is no push back, none. It's do this or you don't have a job. But this is something else, completely voluntary, and I'm really, really torn. I hate backing out of committments, but if things keep going like they are and I find myself in a situation that will cause me more stress - and honestly, I do not need stress - then yeah, it's time to go, regardless.

Whenever you develop a deep emotional attachment to a story for whatever reason, it's so hard to post it and let others look at it. It's so like that "stories are like children" thing Christine was talking about the other day. So I finally did it. "All Things" is out there in the great cyberland and I feel, well, I don't know I feel. I finished this story back in March and it never feels quite right to me, and I keep tinkering. Changing a word here, changing a phrase there. It's one of those stories, in my mind, which will never be complete. But I still adore it - is it wrong for an author to love a story so much? I know that this will not be a popular story, not at all. It will probably join all my other DS9 stories in the Great Unread Beyond, but it's a story I wanted to write and now that it's out there, no longer on my hard drive, I feel a little lonely.

Part of is the sadness is that other than my Kira story, "Blink," I have no more DS9 stories on my hard drive. Nor do I have any ideas. It was one thing to crossover to Voyager while I was still firmly entrenched in DS9, but now, I only have Voyager stories in my head and the DS9 stories are far and few between... well, now it truly feels wrong and like a betrayal. Kind of like, "Honey, I've been seeing another fandom..."

Maybe what I need to do is write that Lori fic.

Apparently, the RL Seema is more interesting than this blog, which is a relief. I even have a cool graphic to prove it:



Here's the result:

It doesn't necessarily mean that your weblog is boring. You just enjoy talking a lot more than writing. You have a busy social life because your friends love having you around. They just can't get enough of you. You might be wishing that you could spend more time online, but you really shouldn't. You're already right where you belong.

Well... that might be a bit of an overstatement, but let's go with it, okay?

Happiness is...

Well, Rocky has been trying to get me to read the classic J/C fics forever now and I keep saying, "One of these days, one of these days..." Well, one of these days came yesterday when I stumbled onto Michele Masterson's fanfic. Can you hear the sigh of contentment? I've only read two of the stories so far, "The Instant Made Eternity" and "Contrition," but I can't wait to go home and finish off the rest (this working 9 to 5 thing, or rather, 7:30 to 4:30 thing) of Michele's website. "Contrition" is my favorite of the two - and not just because of the P/T moments ;-). Anyway, I can't really adequately describe these stories except as "wonderful and must read." So what are you waiting for? ;-)

The challenges keep coming. A good thing, because an idle writer is a... well, I don't know, but I'd rather not find out ::g:: Anyway, this latest challenge is from zendom, more specifically, Lori again. This time I get to kill two birds with one stone in one fic. Both challenges are quite amusing, but I think saying what they are would give away the entire plot. I'll say this much - Picard loses a kidney in the process.

Julius Caeser blogs. Pretty good thing, because it cut off my rant about consumerism, Christmas music, and crazy people in shopping centers.

Note to self: For sanity reasons, hibernate through December 26.

I've been looking at my C/T fic and it's irking me because it's gone schizophrenic on me. I described it to Liz last night - half of it sounds like something I would have written four years ago, and the other half sounds like... something else. I'm thinking of ditching the plot entirely - since that's what sounds so incredibly pedantic - and just leave the other stuff in there. I've got to think about it a little more. It could be that I've been working the bunny too hard and that's where the weird mood shifts came from, not to mention uneven characterizations. Chakotay, for once, is okay, but Janeway... well, even I don't recognize her and I think a minimum requirement to write fanfic is for the author to recognize who the characters actually are, right? Plus, I'm not fond of the cool, repressed Janeway. And then, in the midst of all of this stuff, there is some happy fluff stuff dealing with Miral - which contributes nothing to the plot. So there, I've talked myself into it. The plot has got to go. I feel better already.

And Onslow has a new home, thanks to Gordon. I love the pretty colors.

Jerry Springer - scary stuff. This is what happens when you have free time and it's raining outside, so you turn on the television. That Springer cam? Oh my - talk about unnecessary. They just videotaped...::shudder:: I can't even think about it, it's so... well, I hope it's staged, because otherwise it's very disturbing.

Okay, I'm doing my best to avoid the Art Test, even though all the cool kids are doing it. So I decided instead to figure out if I was normal or weird. Now, this is a purely subjective question. My brother thinks I'm weird. Actually, he thinks I'm spacey as well as weird. So I was really happy to find a purely logical measurement online, based in scientific theory. Here are the results: my score is 9. And my assessment is as follows:

Well, you've heard the call of the strange out there, roaming the plains of life. You haven't answered, but at least you didn't assume it was indigestion. This level of score indicates a person who is probably more normal, to be fair, than someone who got 0. If you only got 1 or 2, be *very* careful - it's all downhill from here!

So there! Those of you who are interested, test your weirdness quotient here.

Now off to write that fic I promised Lori...(talk about weird...)

Lori's review of "Talking Stick/Circle" is now available at the zendom website. Go see what she has to say about this classic Voyager tale. In two weeks, Zendom walks through the intricacies of writing smut.

Muse II

I've been going through my old files, some of which were from pre-computer crash. There are some good starts in there, some forgettable starts, including "Demons" - which I finished in 1999, but will probably never, ever see the light of day (Liz and I are in agreement on this one - "Demons" is my Waterloo). I also found the beginnings to a coda for "Breaking the Ice" called "A Change in Color." This one is told from Trip's POV and I can't really remember what I was thinking/doing when I began that. I had thought that that story was titled "Tentative", but apparently, that was just a delusion and it has another title entirely. The Jake story, "All Things," looks really good to me right now, and it's amazing how putting things away for a while will make you feel either a) more kindly to a story or b) hate it even more. Right now, to answer Christine's question, this would have to be among my favorite fics right now. I also found the missing "Drive" scenes, which will come in handy once I began the novelization of that - whenever that happens. I'm also feeding the angst bunny lots of leafy green vegetables in the hope of enticing her to angst a little more, at least for another few paragraphs so I can get Part I of "Fugue" out of the way. Oh, and I owe Lori that real person fic I promised, not to mention owing Tracy that birthday story. Liz, I probably owe her about 80 different stories as well. ::sigh::

So many projects, so much time... please, don't hold me back :-)

Muse
Well, I'm throwing away the discipline pills for the next 5 weeks! Finally, I'm getting back to some of those unfinished pieces or pieces which have been in need of editing for quite some time.

It's finally time to end Harry's agony - though in all fairness, I've been quite nice to him and who knows, he might even get a girl at the end of it all, to make the suffering worthwhile. I've also started a C/T, J/C, P/T fic that borders on the maudlin and it's not the type of fic I usually like to write, but it *insisted* on being written and I've learned my lesson - never, ever contradict the muse. Ever.

I'm still debating what to do with my Jake story. I'm very fond of it and in some ways, I'm thinking it would be a good entry for SNW, but at the same time - it's not a plot-driven story, but rather a character story and there are no explosions, no fights, and only one Cardassian - and he doesn't get to talk. I sense TPTB would hate it. So we'll see. The Kira story is also along the same lines - but it's more dialogue and I think the ending is sharper, more defining to Kira as a person than the ending to the Jake story is. In a way, I care so much about these two stories that I'm not sure I want to send them into SNW.

Movie rec: "Ocean's Eleven." Go see this one. It's clever, cool, just very fun, and has a great script. Brad Pitt is adorable (and this is coming from me - I rarely find Brad Pitt adorable), George Clooney has just the right amount of charm, and Matt Damon's character in this flick has finally erased the horror that was "The Talented Mr. Ripley" (though at one point, Damon's character was wearing glasses almost exactly like the ones he wore as Tom Ripley and that was freaky). Julia Roberts (who was, btw, listed in the credits as "Introducing Julia Roberts as Tess," lol) also makes an appearance, but she isn't quite as radiant as she usually is and rather looks like she has been smushed during the whole film. But thanks to the strength of the script and the talents of the all-star cast, this is a very good comedy with just the right amount of cunning and intellect mixed together.

Basically, Clooney's character - Daniel Ocean - has just gotten out of jail and is planning a heist of the Vegas' casinos. It's the biggest caper ever and no one has yet succeeded in doing this. So he enlists Brad Pitt's help as well as the help of Elliot Gould (who is a hoot, btw). At the same time, Danny's ex-wife, Tess, has taken up with the casino owner of the casino Danny intends to knock over. Coincidence? I don't think so. So Danny rounds up a gang of eleven to help carry out the nefarious plot, and whether he succeeds or not, well, I can't tell you that now, can I?

Anyway, this movie is nothing but delicious fun. Telling you more would spoil the film, but think of it as a very slick "Mission:Impossible" with lots of charm.

With apologies to Dr. Seuss...

I do not like accounting, Sam I am
I will not do it in a moat
I will not compute with a goat
I do not like accounting, Sam I am.

So there...

I'm not even thinking about the accounting exam anymore. I'm way, way passed that. I was in the lounge reviewing today and Garrett came in, loudly, I might add, and he' was talking about being excited about the cohort dinner tomorrow night. And non-Southern girl I am (not to mention, the arranger of the little shindig), I said, "Garrett, no, no, it's lunch, don't show up for dinner. We'll all be at the happy hour." Garrett said he knew that dinner was at 1, and so we got into this thing, where I insisted it was lunch, and he said it was dinner; finally Andrew said, it's dinner. Okay, so dinner, lunch - same thing in down South vocabulary, but confusing to me. But back to Garrett - he's already moved past the little issue of 8 to 1. He's already moved past depreciation, discounted cash flows, net present value, COGs, and PE ratios - he's already at the good stuff. I like the way the kid thinks.

Anyway, the bill for next semester just showed up in my inbox. So, time to go on the Ramen noodle diet for a while I scrounge up the cash. Though the last time I mentioned Ramen noodles, my RL fellow grad friends were aghast and Katie, who has been doing this longer than I have, was simply horrified by the *idea* of eating Ramen. But you know, at 24 packages for a $1, you can't really get a better deal.

I wrote the nonlinear curve fitting professor today to tell him I wasn't an idiot, and yes, I did pay attention in class, and no, there isn't a really good reason why I missed the easiest problem on the exam other than I didn't like the numbers I came up doing it the correctly, so I made up something else. I then told him that was yet another thing I learned from him: trusting your gut under pressure. He laughed, thought it was funny, and told me I was a pleasure to have in class. I think all teachers say that. I mean, would they really come out and say, "You were really annoying because you asked stupid questions all the time or you looked zoned or you never did your homework?" Maybe to your parents, but not at this level, not at all. So, I think teachers just say that - it's the equivalent of ending FB with "Thanks for sharing." A polite way to end the conversation, a nice signal to say, "I'm moving on, maybe you should too."

I really can't wait for dinner tomorrow at 1.

This and That...

Mainak and I got shushed by the Library Police (tm) last night. Apparently, we got too excited over depreciation and other people couldn't study. We got a whole long lecture about being quiet from this undergrad. He obviously does not understand the joys of free cash flow or double-declining balance. The pity.

Mainak also told me that the answers I had gotten for the nonlinear curve fitting on the exam were correct. Which would be good news, if I hadn't doubted myself and gone and changed them to something less than correct. Moral lesson of the day: go with the gut when under pressure.

Weird conversation I had with Liz yesterday afternoon:

Liz: Are you ready for the exam?
Seema: No, I'm not ready to colonize Mars yet
Liz: Well, then just focus on the moon.

Thankfully, the rest of the conversation - all 13 minutes of it - was less weird and more normal than that.

I ran my name through Kabalarians and it came back scarily accurate. Yikes!

****
Your name of Seema gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality. You are inclined to indulge in rich foods that lack proper nourishment. The physical weaknesses due to this name centre in the heart and respiratory organs, and in the fluid functions.

Happiness is... finding the most adorable picture of RDM today. Check out the news page. Now that's just precious, really, really, well, adorable. I think it might be a keeper. I'm not shallow or anything, no, not at all.

While I'm on this lyric thing:

Here is one of my all-time favorite songs. Ladies and gents, I present to you, Sir Elton.

****

Please

Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Made In England

****

We've been crippled in love, short changed, hung out to dry
We've chalked on the walls a slogan or two about life
Stood dazed in the doorway, the king and queen of clowns
We've been flipped like a coin, both of us landing face-down

So please, please, let me grow old with you
After everything we've been through, what's left to prove
so please, please, please, oh please let me grow old with you

We've been living with sorrow, been up, down and all around
We've buried our feelings a little too deep in the ground
Stood dazed in the doorway, the king and queen of clowns
We've been flipped like a coin, both of us landing face-down

But tied to the same track, the two of us look back
At oncoming trains ahead
How many more times can we lay on the line
Watching our love hang by a thread

What I'm Listening To

This song feels strangely appropos:

Belfast

Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Made In England

****

Deep inside my soul fights a war
I can't explain, I can't cross over any more
All I see are dirty faces
Rain and wire, and common sense in pieces
But I try to see through Irish eyes
Belfast

Look outside, summer's lost and gone
It's a long walk on a street of right and wrong
In every inch of sadness
Rocks and tanks go hand in hand with madness
But I never saw a braver place
Belfast

And it's sad when they sing, and hollow ears listen
Of smoking black roses, on the streets of Belfast
And so say your lovers from under the flowers
Every foot of this world needs an inch of Belfast

Who's to say on whom heaven smiles
Our different ways we try hard to recognise
No more enchanted evenings
The pubs are closed and all the ghosts are leaving
But you'll never let them shut you down
Belfast

The enemy is not at home
A jealous green streaks down this faulty diamond
No bloody boots or crucifix
Can ever hope to split this emerald island
But I never saw a braver face
Belfast

Brannon Braga has an official website and a (gasp!) photo gallery (why????). I'm surprised he acknowledges that Janeway exists.

Wow. Snarky.

Santa and I had a talk today. It was the office party and in a quiet moment, between kids and sittings, Santa asked if I wanted a picture.

It's been years since Santa and I have talked and so I said sure. I'm a big girl, but boy, it felt good to sit in Santa's lap. Even if I did know who he really was.

Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said stupidly, "World peace."

And he asked, "What else?" And I couldn't think of anything at all other than "world peace."

Anyway, we talked a little bit and he said finally, "Okay, if you insist, world peace."

I had to smile. And then he said, "But it doesn't seem very likely right now, does it?"

"No," I said. "It doesn't. Things get worse every day."

"How about peace in the heart?" he asked. "You can do that, can't you?"

I nodded. And Santa went on, "You won't get anywhere without peace in the heart."

His comment reminded me of something my mother once said, that she thought I should go to one of those ashrams where you are alone and quite for a week. She said maybe the peace would be good for me. I still think about that quiet place on occasion and whether it's still there and whether I should go.

Anyway, I can't disagree with Santa. He's got a point.

So that's what I want for Christmas this year. Peace of the heart.

Procrastination has reached new heights. I'm baking, baking! Though, in all fairness, tomorrow is the office Christmas party. So, I'm baking. Yes, the exam from hell is at 8:30 tomorrow morning and I'm baking. *sigh* Sometime this week, I'll need to bake for my classmates as well - I already bought the tissue paper, ribbons, cards and candy canes, so it's just a question of baking the cookies and wrapping them all up before Saturday's final.

In other news, my car is home! Finally! After 14 days in the shop, my car is here and it's beautiful! Kudos to the body shop! Of course, it helps to work for the same company which is paying for your car repairs and rental car, as the body shop and Enterprise were both very anxious that I had been treated well and did I have any complaints? I told them no, not at all, and I could tell they were relieved. I don't think they realized that I had to call to the same 1-800 number as all the other claimants to take care of my bills, but I do have to say, I would have used connections if things had not gone well with the repairs.

Fic Rec: Transcendence by Christine CGB. Now this is a gorgeous Donna character study with some really awesome "you go girl!" moments, not to mention there are times when you feel a fleeting sadness for Donna as well. Donna is characterized extremely well and not only do you get more insight into her life, but also how Josh thinks of her. Add this to the "must read" list for "West Wing."

I have not one, but two, solutions to the currency LP. Sometimes, I just frighten myself, really I do. I've got the linearized version - the one that makes the most sense to me and I could explain very quickly if you stopped me in a dark alley. The logrithmic one makes pseudosense to me - fuzzy numbers at work again - and I wouldn't bet money that I could explain it in a way you could understand or that I could even understand. Unfortunately, the second one is the optimal solution, but I talked to other people and most are going with either the linear or the nonlinear version, depending on which solution they hit on first. Now my biggest issue is how to derive the s-curve before Tuesday. I've done it once, but that was under optimal conditions; I'm thinking this is something that will take up valuable space on my cheat sheet.

I really hope no one stops me in a dark alley and asks me a) to explain the nonlinear version of the LP or b) how to derive an s-curve.

Current pet peeve:

I updated my virus scan as commanded by the Great Gods at McAfee. Unfortunately, now I have one of those lovely, cryptic .dll errors anytime I go in to run a scan, ie my scan software is dead. So I go over to McAfee's site to find out what happened - obviously, they killed my software and I want them to fix. Well, I got caught in this endless loop of "click here for customer support" and "click here for technical support" or "Go here to have your questions answered." Anyway, I spent 30 valuable minutes on this problem and have now decided to uninstall the software and try it again. I'm not yet ready to cough up money to find out what happened to the software. Especially for a software package which cost less than $20 and it might be worth my while to even go and buy another copy than to spend time running around in circles trying to figure out what vs34398.dll error actually means.

Here's how I compute it:

• Go to Best Buy: At this time of the year, you can't pay me enough to go shopping. That's what amazon.com is for. But with traffic and parking, I'd say this is about $10, minimum
  
• Finding software: Cheap. About $1
  
• Standing in line: $5 easily, plus you have to put up with people arguing over flyers and just being generally cranky during the "most wonderful time of the year." (Yes, I am so bah! humbug about this particular holiday).
  
• Gas, driving time: Make it about $2, as gas prices are dropping, but my driving time is still valuable.
  Grand total: $18
  

Ah yes, opportunity costs...

Keep in mind I still intend to write McAfee a letter re their website. If I can find their email...

Update to the site: I've added two new fics: "How to Succeed in Hard Time.s..." and "Southern Fried Fanfic." I've also added my first original fic in a long time - a short vignette called The Studio at La Californie, based on a painting by Pablo Picasso. Other update information can be found here

I was wrong about the LP, btw. It was pointed out to be that I had forgotten the non-negative constraint and the linear assumptions, and once I input those, voila, it no longer worked. Now that's more like it.

However, I figured out how to do it in a non-linear method and then linearize that, so things are generally good. I see natural logs...

I sent Liz the half-finished "Unexpected" tonight. It's definitely another of those 'walk on the wild side' fics, but she asked for it. I'm actually quite proud of some parts of it and I'm looking forward to finishing it. I haven't quite decided what I'll do with it when it is completed, but for now, I'm just really enjoying it. It may just be another one of those 'private' fics. Anyway, Liz is going to beta what I have so far, so I imagine I'll make my decision after I get her comments.

Scary stuff. My currency LP worked on the first try. Robbie was even sitting right next to me when I clicked "solve" - so I have a witness. I'm honestly frightened. Very, very frightened.

Because I really don't like linear programming and I'm always looking for a reason to procrastinate. Besides, I still have the sniffles, so that's reason enough to take it easy, right?

four things you would eat on the last day of your life:
- pasta with pesto and chunks of fresh tomatos
- samosas (oh yeah)
- rice
- tomato & garlic burrito (preferably from Bueno Y Sano, but as Amherst is there and I'm here, Freebirds fits the bill nicely)


four cds from your collection that you will never get tired of:

- "Little Earthquakes" by Tori Amos
- "La Luna" by Sarah Brightman
- "Made in England" by Elton John
- "Evita" (Madonna version)

four vacations you have taken:

- London (1999)
- Virginia Beach road trip (1999 - from Longmeadow down, 18 hours of I95 South - lovely)
- Vancouver road trip (2000 - from Portland up, 6 hours and beautiful, beautiful scenery)
- Boston (2000, 2001 - weddings mean we must be all grown up now)

four songs you get stuck in your head frequently:

- "Hero" - Enrique Iglesias
- "Breathe" - Faith Hill
- "Faith of the Heart" - Russell someone (only after I watch "Enterprise" though)
- "I Need You" - Leann Rimes


four things you'd like to learn:

- Linear programming (preferably before Tuesday)
- Cooking (without water, without burning, preferably ethnic)
- White water rafting
- Another language (I don't care which one, just another one)

four beverages you drink frequently:

- Coffee, black, 2 spoons of sugar
- Water
- Diet Coke
- Lemonade


four tv shows that were on when you were a kid:

- Growing Pains
- Cosby
- LA Law
- Who's the Boss?


four places to go in your city:
(I'm cheating now, because there is nowhere to go here, but where I used to live...)

- Town Lake (it's really a river, dammed off at both ends, but details, shemtails...)
- Zilker Park (home of Christmas tree - as it may be - not to mention the free summer musical)
- Mozart's (coffee and decadence by the lake - oops, river - who could ask for more?)
- La Madeleine (Okay, a chain doesn't really count, but I spent an obscene amount of time here with my writing group)


four things to do when you're bored:

- surf the Internet (what? no email since 30 seconds ago??)
- write fic (I'm not prolific, I'm not...)
- watch HNN over and over again (what? the news hasn't change since 30 minutes ago??)
- sleep (ha!)


four things that never fail to cheer you up:

- family
- ice-cream
- phone call from an old friend
- babies

Fic Recs on a Theme

The episode, "Vis a Vis", has been bothering me lately. Maybe it's just another example of how TPTB let so many answers slide in favour of a quick and dirty conclusion. So why was Tom so moody? What happened between B'Elanna and Steth? How did B'Elanna and Tom patch up their relationship (other than in the front seat of the Camaro)

Anyway, I shouldn't have feared. Thank goodness for the following fics which answered the questions TPTB should have taken care of. All of these stories are highly recommended. Dave Rogers' is the darkest of them all, and possibly my favorite of the bunch, while Julie Evans really manages to fill in all of the scenes with her usual flair. "Convincing Chakotay" by monkee hails the return of the Angry Warrior story while "New Sensations," also by monkee, takes that same story and adds a sensual twist. "Too Much Delta Quadrant Coffee" by Annie M is another dark view on the same events. Happy reading!

• Convincing Chakotay by monkee (J/C)
  
• Interludes by Julie Evans (P/T alternating POVs)
  
• Mirror Images by Dave Rogers (P/T, dark)
  
• New Sensations by monkee (slash, NC-17)
  
• Too Much Delta Quadrant Coffee by Annie M. (P/T)

Smut defined.

I know I have mentioned that half of my class will be in jail after graduation for one reason or another. Only one of us will go to jail because she's in the wrong place at the wrong time (and it's not me). I really thought it would be my "fuzzy" accounting standards that would put me in the slammer, but apparently not. Apparently, it will be my love of shoes that will do me in. Check it out:


Which Evil Criminal are You?

It's official, I'm sick. I've got aching muscles I didn't know I had. Anyway, thanks to you who sent me such lovely notes. Means so much to me as right now I'm just completely overwhelmed by RL and I'm so amazed at how incredibly nice people are to me, especially my team members, two of whom are at an extra class tonight taking notes for me as I honestly cannot sit/stand/lie in one position for any length of time. Anyway, I'm hoping I'll be up and around again tomorrow.

Roxann actually posted re the Wil Wheaton thing on the message board. Cool! Now that makes more sense.

I give up. I am getting sick. I was hoping I wasn't, but I am. I really can't even keep my eyes open right now and I've misplaced my cell phone... which I hope to find soon as at rather emotional moments like this, you really, really want to talk to your mother. I've also spilled hot water all over myself and the kitchen because my hands are so unsteady right now. So, to bed I go.

Simulations done and confirmed. Life is getting better. I've slapped a 10 pm deadline on the accounting project. I need sleep. I need food. I need to be somewhere other than the lab.

I know why I don't get accounting. It's fuzzy numbers. Two plus two equal equal five. I just can't get my brain to accept this. Not at all. In my world, two plus two always equals four. There are no rules to remember, nothing. Accounting is... it's just wrong! (Or I'm just frustrated - either works).

Kenny just gave me the new, improved financial ratios. Now, we're in business.

8 pm. Annoying itch at the back of my throat, pain in my shoulders and lower back, and slight case of the sniffles. But thankfully, no indigestion.

When you're delusional, it's easy to get confused over simple things. It took me about 15 minutes to understand the operating profit margin ratio, even with the formula right in front of me.

I was hoping for 9 pm, to get home in time for "Enterprise." At the snail's pace I'm going right now, I don't think that's going to happen. I'm already writing off "West Wing." As long as I get home before the freeze, though the comments from people arriving from outdoors is not optimistic. I'd hate to take to the ice in high heels. Might be amusing for other people though.

Brock just walked in. He said, "Welcome to Paradise."

I'm not the only delusional one around here.

Back in the lab. The goal is to be out before the extreme freezing temperatures hit and not stay here until 1 am, like we did yesterday. Today, we went to Denny's for a team lunch after our presentation (which went very well) - first time I've eaten since 8:30 pm last night and apparently, the guys were just as hungry. We ate and then discussed our financial analysis of the chocolate industry. Now, it's just a question of fixing numbers and writing the report out. Which they are working on fixing, while I come up with a second set of simulation numbers to confirm the set of answers we already have. Talk about applying the just-in time principle. Even this morning, I ran out to get the Murdoch paper, all 800 pages of it, bound at 9 am, just in time to get to our group practice at 10 am.

I really miss my overcoat.

Miserable Day

I feel like I've been transported back North, that's how darn cold it is here! Back there, a windchill of 30 was pleasant and a high of 32 was a heatwave - a cause for celebration! Heck, if it was 32 degrees out, I hit the ski slopes in shorts! But here, no, I'm freezing and hunched under my umbrella. The rain is bitterly cold - apparently it has the potential for sleet and snow (!!!) by tonight, if it at all. My suit did get soaked a bit, but my legs took the brunt of it - I'm really going to have to invest in a pantsuit one of these days, as the torrential rains have now put a run in my nylons and I still have 2 hours, 45 minutes to go before the presentation. I've been asking people if they have nailpolish, but alas, no. On a positive note, the last time I got caught in a thunderstorm wearing something that was dry-clean only, the dress actually shrunk (it was a double-layer dress, with the top layer shrinking so that bottom lining hung out), so in the case, I'm doing really well.

Note to self: next time I decide to pursue higher education, it will not be a program where what you wear and how you look is actually part of your grade.

I do hope it will snow though. When I'm inside and warm though.

Zendom update:

New update at the zendom site. Christine CGB interviews Dafna G, a slash writer from "The West Wing" fandom. It's a very good interview, personal, funny and very real. So enjoy a closer, more personal view at a fanfic writer! In two weeks, Lori and Liz will present a discourse on that classic work, "Talking Stick/Circle."

I don't think this night is ever going to end. I found a great ER spoiler site.

Because I've been in the lab since 7 pm with no possibility for parole until at earliest midnight, I've digressed every now and then. Love this little article.

My spam fic: How To Succeed In Tough Times... I got the title from an actual spam in my inbox.

I get easily confused these days. I end up on websites which are just way too hip for me. The graphics are spectacular and the navigation is a mystery. Apparently the new trend in navigation is to have lovely graphics which you just click, and voila, you're somewhere else. Once, I ended up on a site that just had a very cool picture on the front page and then the numbers 1 through 5 in tiny fonts right below it. That was it. I had no idea where I was, whose site it was, or where I was going. Still, the graphics were very cool.

IIn my journey through blogdom, I'm suddenly realizing just how small the Internet really is. In fact, all those authors whom I thought fled fandom are actually cooling their heels in "West Wing" or more often, "BtVS" or "Angel." And ya know, until a couple weeks ago, I didn't even know what "BtVS" stood for (and I call myself a fan girl, ha!). I did see the "Buffy" musical - my first and only (to date) experience with the Vampire Slayer. Campy it was, but it was also fun and cheesy. So anyway, I've found people like Annie Sewell-Jennings again and seeing familiar names is actually very soothing. In fact, if it wasn't for coming across Sabine's "West Wing" and "Sports Night" fic, I probably wouldn't have ever read anything in either fandom.

So I guess that theory I heard long ago, that you can connect to any site on the internet within 30 clicks, well, I guess it's true then. Provided you don't need to know where you're going.

Okay, the burnt smell has almost dissipated. Almost being the operative word.

***

I noticed someone from my alma mater stopped by here the other day, after being referred from the VVS8 site. So, hello!

In other weird alma mater news, my mother ran into someone at her gym who had gone to my school and had graduated a couple years after I did. My mother mentioned that I used to work at the newspaper and it turns out that this girl actually cut out a of couple of my articles and saved them.

I really should have stayed a journalist. More sleep. Less burned food. Probably wouldn't have this indigestion problem either.

And I promised to bake for the Christmas party at the office next week - they asked me to bring a copy of the recipe for the recipe book too. Easy: go to HEB, buy Tollhouse cookie dough, break into pieces, put on cookie tray, put oven on 350, burn.

I think I'm better off buying something.

Fic rec: I can't believe I did not include Lydia Bower's profoundly beautiful Dance Without Sleeping among my picks for the top fics of all time. This is simply a gorgeous, gorgeous fic - one of the first I read in the "X-Files" fandom and one of the best cancerfics from Scully's POV. Scully is detached, Mulder is hovering, but the end is oh so satisfying. When you're finished with that, there is a wonderful sequel, Into Each Other Sinking that is a must-read. Run, read, enjoy. (As with the other top recs, this one is also NC-17).

Note to self:
Do not attempt to cook when half-asleep. Better yet, don't cook at it. Especially when it's too dang cold out to open windows and sliding glass doors to vent the fumes.

Trek Weakest Link

I was glad to see that no one thought that Peru was in Asia and no one mentioned that Detroit was a state (I'll ignore the fact that Denise Crosby just named Alabama as the capital of New Hampshire). In general comments, all Trek actors redeemed themselves very well. As a team, they made more money ($40,000) in one round than the entire game I watched on Sunday - which was stars from old sitcoms (or something like that). It was nice to see Armin Shimmerman without make-up - but boy, with that backlighting, at first he looked like he had Quark ears! The stars were actually quite funny too - especially Armin - and William Shatner was downright charming. He even hugged Anne, and I think I saw a smile. A little one, but it was there .

The audience loved it too. Everyone was sooo sad when William Shatner was voted off. People were really sad when Roxann Dawson got voted off too and RD looked quite sad herself. I have to say, to steal a line from "Drive," she didn't look so tough right there. Bob Picardo, Wil Wheaton, Levar Burton and Armin Shimmerman were obviously the strongest of all the players. BP was the strongest link several rounds in a row and he is very charming. Makes me want to go to a con even more to meet some of these people as they are so funny and warm.

Bob Picardo had a great line. Armin didn't get a question right where the answer was "toupee" (even with me screaming it at the television) and so Picardo said that it was unforgivable for a follically-challenged man not to know the answer to this question. Pretty funny. People were also sad when Armin departed.

Anne had some interesting remarks such as: "Whose phaser was set on stupid?" and "Transport off the trash" or "Who will Klingon?" She asked William Shatner what he was famous for, LOL. She told Wil Wheaton he didn't really resemble a boy genius.

Now the weird Wil - Roxann thing. That was so strange. Roxann kept voting for Wil until she got voted off, with Wil being one of the who voted her off, saying this time it was for revenge. Anyway, Anne made some comments about Wil spelling his name with one L and called it pretentious. Roxann laughed the loudest and even clapped her hands. It was so strange. And then, during her remarks to the camera, Roxann said that she would be devastated if Wil won, because she couldn't believe he would come on to her like that on national television when he knew her husband would be watching and that it was very rude of Wil to do so. Keep in mind that Wil actually said something to the effect that he was voting Roxann off because he was madly in love with her. Sounded like a joke to me, but Roxann did not take it as a joke. I even rewound the tape. No, she was not joking. She sounded mad. Hopefully, these two did not end up in a green room together - but given that Wil is updating his blog, he obviously survived the RD encounter .

Anyway, the final total for the charity was $106 thousand-something (there were numbers after the six, but I forgot what numbers they were within about 5 seconds). Levar Burton was the lucky winner. Apparently, this sum was a record for the show. Cool.

For my latest fic transgression, I blame Rocky. Under her devilish influence, I answered monkee's "chicken fried fanfic" challenge. That would be the one where you have to use the six most necessary elements in a country song: trucks, prison, cold rain, trains, getting drunk and mama. You get extra points for getting a hound dog in there. I resisted as long as I could, I really did. May the muse forgive me.

On another note, Lori also answered the spamfic contest. Seven analyzes her spam mail! Very funny. Hopefully it will be up on her site soon.

Believe it or not, I answered my own challenge - the spam poem and relate it to fandom challenge, that is. It only took 23 spam letters to compile, plus a little creativity from my part, but there it is. I haven't decided whether it's fit for ASC yet. I'll just wait and see what zendom has to say about it. That's if I didn't leave them speechless by actually doing my own challenge...

I just finished compiling my FB from my Deja News account before that goes kaput on Dec. 1 and wow, I'm motivated to resume "Fugue in Blue Minor." I really am. I think the other projects will have to wait until I at least get part I finished here. And of course, Part I will have to wait until I survive this week.

On a positive note, I've just sent off the final draft for the Rupert paper to the boys. Now it's their problem .

Yes, I'm still procrastinating. Rupert just doesn't have the draw, you know? So I finally went and linked to all the blogs that have linked to me, with the exception of Wil Wheaton and my brother. Wil Wheaton doesn't really need my link, but his blog is incredibly amusing and fun to read. My brother's blog is just a little freaky, but you've been warned. Everyone else's opinion is simply their opinion, not necessarily mine.

In strange Blogger news, my archives for September have disappeared and this dismays me, because this means that all of my thoughts on September 11 are somewhere that is not here. Some things, you don't want to forget how you were feeling, you know?

If I tried to write about September 11 now, it wouldn't be the same. It would be almost clinical, far removed from the stress and emotion of that day. It would lack the fear and the concern I had for family and friends in NYC. It wouldn't quite convey the utter sense of dysfunction or the shock and grief of that day.

New music video! A friend of Ann's has made a P/T video set to Enrique Iglesias's "Hero" (be still my heart!). You can download it here. I'm especially gratified since the lyrics I chose for "Stay" are from "Hero" and in this music video, they are so approriate. Beautiful job. Definitely a keeper. Especially wonderful are the "Lineage" scenes, which seem to have more meaning when set to these particular lyrics.

Weakest Link observations...
I decided to watch "The Weakest Link" while I inhaled dinner. Just two things: Peru is *not* in Asia and Detroit is *not* a state. 'nuff said.

Tomrrow: Trek on the "Weakest Link." I'm dying to know more about the Wil Wheaton & RD controversy. Note to self: set VCR.

Andrew said today, "I bet the work is hitting you like a freight train." Yeah, that's a pretty decent way of putting it. All I can think is, two more weeks, that's it, two more weeks. At least Andrew understands if I disappear suddenly - he's in a similar situation, but he at least is outta there in 5 months (I shouldn't complain, really - Andrew's on his second Masters and I'm only on my first...my hero).

Anyway, staring the freight train in the engine, I'm coming to the grim realization that fic will have to wait - reading, writing, and of course, FB. My life is consumed by Rupert Murdoch, currency LP, accounting analysis, and oh yes, the two random simulation problems assigned last week, not to mention finals - next week. This time though, I've got coffee. Lots of it.

Blogging addiction...
I really should be working on something else, really should, considering that the marathon team meeting from hell is scheduled for tonight, but I've been blog-hopping. Here's where I've been:

• Lori
  
• Jintian
  
• Jenn (seperis)
  
• Liz Barr
  
• Christine CGB
  
• Mary Ellen
  
• Te
  
• Jane St. Clair
  
• Debchen
  
• Jemima
  
• Kate Bolin
  
• Astrogirl
  

Yes, enough already. I don't even know some of these people, yet I'm endlessly fascinated by what they have to say. But enough's enough: I've got to go and prepare for that meeting.

About Feedback...

I found this article by Te today about feedbacking and the lack thereof. The tone is definitely not my style, but it was interesting to read anyway, since Te put into words what many authors are thinking to begin with.

Lack of FB is a conversation I've been having on and off with someone for a while now and we both agree that when your fics end up in a dark black hole, that's the absolute worse. That's when you post a story and no one, absolutely no one, even responds. You wonder if anyone is reading you at all. You wonder if the story is terrible and no one wants to tell you. And then you notice another story that is getting all the accolades for the week and you try to stifle the green-eyed monster, but it's impossible. You wonder what that author did to get all that FB and you wonder what you can do to get some of that yourself. And then, things get reversed. All of a sudden, you get tons of FB and some poor author somewhere gets none.

Getting FB is one of those very, very strange things. It's so incredibly lovely when you get it and I probably even shouldn't talk, since I think I've been very fortunate in getting FB on a fairly regular basis, whether for new or for old fics. Just the other day, I got FB on W/D stories I had written years ago and that was wonderful, to know people were still reading those fics.

But at the same time, this "regular" FB thing is fairly new to me as well - there were days when I despaired of ever getting anyone to acknowledge that I existed. I remember once telling Liz that I could drop out of fandom and *no one* would notice. It could even be true today, who knows? If you're getting into fandom, it's important to realize that you've got to write because you *love* fandom and because you *want* to write. If you're doing it for the FB, you're going to be disappointed. Unfortunately, there are more writers than FBers out there.

That being said, FB is good and adored and I'm so grateful for every single word that people have taken time to write. I have saved nearly every piece of FB I've ever received. I keep it in my "Feedback" folder - something to soothe my ego when things aren't going well at all. When I'm especially down, I read the FB SnoopMary posted on ASC, the one with the subject line that nearly knocked me right out of my shoes and I came out of my reclusive fanfic writing status for just a second to show a coworker exactly what SnoopMary had written because I was so shocked.

So how do you get FB? Beats me. Conventional wisdom says that if you write something good, they will read it and then they will send you comments. Could be true - good stories move me to FB, whether publicly or privately, but lately with time being such a premium, I read but don't always FB in a timely manner. Sometimes I'll rec a story here without ever telling the author. Sometimes the story sits in my newsreader for weeks at a time and then I think that it's too late to FB. Excuses, excuses. I've made a resolution to myself to FB more during my break - after all, working only 2 days a week and not having much else to do, what excuse could I possibly have *not* to FB?

Note to self: Feed the author. Makes them happy. Keeps them writing.

Could you, would you...?

I issued yet another challenge to zendom based on this here contest hosted by the very funny satirewire.com. I added a caveat of my own - make it about fandom, any fandom, and see what you come up with. The poems from last year's contest are very, very funny. This is the first time I've seen a use for the multitude of spam that clutters my inbox day after day after day after day after day after day...

You know, one of these days, zendom is going to force moi to actually take up one of these challenges I keep issuing. Let's see, there was the "10 Little Indians" challenge (based on the Agatha Christie novel), the Pretty Woman challenge, the plot-less fic challenge and now this... write a fic using the spam in your inbox. Indeed, it's almost too tempting for words.

I forgot another couple of writing projects and in the interest of fairness, voila:

• A story that will wrap up C/7 for once and for all and make sense of what TPTB did - if that is even possible. I'd say more, but then that would be giving it away. Parts have already been written, including some smut written (gasp) under my own name. Wonders will never cease. Now to finish it, but the muse keeps getting dragged off into non-C/7 directions.
  
• Finish "Stay." This is one story that I really feel the need to get absolutely right - maybe it's the fact I incorporated song lyrics (no, just at the beginning of each part - it's *not* a songfic!). Anyway, got some comments back on it and once I take care of those (hopefully sometime this week), it will be ready for ASC. Maybe.
  
• Finish "All Things," my Jake story. It's already been beta'd by a couple different people and I have a couple more corrections to make before unleashing it on the unsuspecting public, but it's been collecting dust since May, I think, and I'm ready for this one to make its debut.
  

I didn't want to let insomnia go to waste, so I went ahead and did a quick and dirty HTML version of Come Darkness. Now that I've re-read it, I'm thinking this was actually written in late 1998, early 1999, given the style. I definitely think there are places I need to rework this story, but that's for another time.

Current pet peeve...

People who ask you to pick them up from the airport to drive them back to school but don't tell you when their flight actually gets into town. Which is why I'm up at 4 am, checking flight schedules, because it's not like I can wait all day for this person to get back, can I? And since this person is flying back from LA, this means he can show up anytime between 3 pm and 10 pm - 10 pm being *way* too late for me to get back. As much as I don't want to do this, if he doesn't show up on the 4:50 pm flight, I'm going to have to leave without him. As it was, I wanted to leave at between 1 and 2 pm, so this is really making me nuts.

Neat Things...
A story which I wrote in 1999, but didn't know I had posted to ASC, made it into Katie's update tonight. Very cool, as I didn't have a copy of this story and even Liz couldn't find a copy on her hard drive, so I assumed it was MIA forever. This was another story in my alternate DS9 universe and the one that had the W/Ders teasing me about a "space battle fetish" (I *don't* know what they are talking about... but Cheile even put it in her sig...). Anyway, it's so nice to see this story again and I will be able to post "Come Darkness" to my site sometime this week. ::happy dance::

I keep wanting to write random fics. Not new fandoms, btw, but just dabbling in other fandoms. For instance, there is a "West Wing" idea nagging at me - nothing deep, nothing major, but it could be really fun to write. The "X-Files" always has a lure, but I'm in awe of the talent already out there, so I only attempted to write a fic once - What Is, a coda to "Requiem," the season seven finale. It's been quite a while since I wrote it and actually now that I reread it, I don't hate it. Not at all. Surprising.

Things I want to do this winter:

• Finish Part I of "Fugue in Blue Minor." Liz is already working on the beta for what I've got done and at this point, it's just a short trek (no pun intended) to finish off Part I. It's Part II that's giving me heart palpitations and slowing down the work. But I did say December 2001... I may amend that to February of 2002.
  
• Work on the Jadzia story - "Blue" - that I owe for the DS9 project Una and I are putting together. "Blink" is already finished and Una has finished one story as well.
  
• Begin novelization of "Drive." So many questions to be answered, so many blanks to fill in - this is really a project I'm looking forward to.
  
• Write that "West Wing" fic which keeps intruding in my brain.
  
• Write that "Gladiator" fic which will wrap up the Maximus/Lucilla relationship once and for all. "A Fine White Mist" was supposed to have done that, but I wasn't entirely happy with the way that fic came out. So I'm planning to attack it again. I also would like to do one with Maxmius and his wife, Selene, but we'll see.
  
• Finish that story I owe Tracy... from a year ago? I found a part of it written out in a notebook, so I really should get on this one. Tracy has been very sweet and patient about it, even though she did ask for this particular story as a birthday gift. I'm a terrible, terrible person, I know.
  
• Write my article for zendom. Everyone else, I think, has finished theirs - I need to get started on mine.
  

*sigh* So many ideas, so little time...

What I did on my Thanksgiving break...

I vowed about two years ago never to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving, no matter how tempting the deals. The last time I attempted (2 years ago), I was on the prowl for a VCR. Mine was going batty (would only play videos in black and white) and so a great deal on a Sony VCR caught my eye. The catch? The great price was only going to last between 5 am and 6 am. So yup, I woke up at the crack of dawn and dragged myself down to the store, flyer in hand. I purchased the VCR and came home and went back to sleep. My brother came to check out my new purchase later on that day and he glanced at the sales flyer and then at the VCR. He looked at me and said, "Um, what were you planning to buy?" Turns out, I went to the *wrong* store and purchased the *wrong* VCR. So instead of Best Buy, I ended up at Circuit City and instead of the Sony, I ended up with the Panasonic. After that, I figured that waking up at the crack of dawn was overrated - especially if you didn't end up with what you went there for in the first place.

Well, I did it. Today, I drove to Best Buy and picked up Sarah Brightman's latest, Classics. They were selling CDs for $10 between 8 am and noon. Who can resist? Tower Records had CDs for $5 between 8 am and noon, but it was misleading; I called the store actually since I didn't want to make the trip downtown and fight traffic/parking battles. Anyway, the Brightman CD was actually $14.99 and only select titles were $5. At any rate, the entire city seemed to have converged on Best Buy for this particular sale, so I spent more time in line than it took me to a) drive there and b) pick out the CD. So far, I'm really enjoying Classics. It's nice and soothing - a perfect counterpoint to the remaining two pages I have to write on Rupert.

I also built a wheelbarrow today. Yes, four of the screws are upside down, but that's really, really minor. The wheelbarrow is sturdy and it rolls. What more could you possibly want? The directions were very complicated - they were made for Tool Time people like Tim Allen, not people like me who have never built a wheelbarrow before. According to the pictures on the box, there were only four steps in assembling this thing. I must have taken at least ten, not to mention all of the times I had to unscrew and rescrew the pieces together. Too bad I can't put this on my resume.

Happiness is...

I just found a copy of Alison Weir's The Princes in the Tower for $5.86. Lovely and in pristine condition. I've been dying to get my hands on this book since finishing up The War of the Roses. Reviews suggest that Weir is very much a biased Tudor biographer and that she leaves very little doubt that Richard III was indeed the fiend that Thomas More and others portrayed him to be. I've also found Royal Blood by Bertram Fields, which, according to the reviews, is biased towards Richard III. I may pick up this book after going through Weir's findings, but the fact that I don't know much about Fields' work as a biographer is the only thing that is holding me back - he's an entertainment lawyer, it seems, and this looks like it's his frst book. The last time I purchased an allegedly historical novel by a first time author - "The Diary of Anne Boleyn" by Robin Maxwell - I found it riddled with inaccuracies and while Anne came off nearly saintly (she wasn't), the reputation of Elizabeth I took a beating - it was very hard to stomach Maxwell's thoughts on what Elizabeth's relationship with Dudley truly was like. Not for a minute could I buy it. And despite the bias in The Princes in the Tower I've read about, Weir's reputation (especially for her incredibly detailed The Six Wives of Henry VIII) speaks for itself (even if she can be a bit arrogant with her assumptions at time).

However, my favorite all-time Richard III work would have to be the novel The Sunne in Splendor by Sharon Kay Penman. Now that was a fantastic read, one that portrayed Richard in a very positive light and made his relationship with his wife, Anne, much less sinister than what later Tudor biographers would claim. I wonder if the bias everyone is talking about in Weir's book will also lead to the allegation that Richard not only murdered his nephews, but also Anne? Anyway, it's definitely a book I'm looking forward to reading and when that's done, I may request the Fields book from the library (though I did find a copy online for $4). I simply cannot wait to just kick back and read, read, read! Only two more weeks until I can do that!

Blog, Take Two...

Between Netscape 6.2 and Windows ME, I really think I'm going to have to chuck something out of a window. I was hoping that 6.2 wouldn't be so buggy, but it has some very strange quirks and I think I may go back to 4.7, no matter how much I really want to use 6.2. As a matter of principle, I won't use IE unless push comes to shove, and boy, do I feel shoved right now.

At any rate, I wrote up an entire long post about why I'm a blogger wannabe, but it got eaten by the quirky Netscape, and I'm much too incoherent right now to try to resurrect that post. I don't think y'all are missing much though - you got the bottom line. I'm simply not Sylvia Plath-ish and while I love writing angst, my RL is curiously devoid of angst (well, other than that SUV dilemma I had over the last 48 hours, but resolved this afternoon). I think I'm Mary Richards.

Also, I thought about installing comments here and even went about researching on how to do such a thing, but then decided the only one allowed free speech on this blog would be me .

Well, ME keeps nagging me to download an update of some kind. Maybe if I do, it will stop having temper tantrums.

Good night, moon.

Things Crossed Off My To Do List...

• The SEC paper is done! I only hope I sound convincing as I advise an august body such as the FASB that GAAP is horribly outdated and needs to be revised.
  
• I'm 3 pages into the Rupert Murdoch expose. Not so bad as I need to get to page 5 by Sunday. Only thing is, it's very difficult to write about "The Environmental and Organizational Context" when Murdoch enjoyed killing and skinning rabbits as a child. I'm starting to think the boys with their competencies have an easier job of analyzing Mr. Murdoch.
  
• Present value of a discounted cash flow has been licked. It only took me a couple hours but I will never forget how to do it now and that is the point of an education, isn't it?
• Currency LP looked at. This doesn't mean I've come up with the equations or the model, only that I've read the case and then figured that it was a pretty darn good problem. I think this is the same problem that was given on last year's final that no one got right. Very, very comforting.
  
  I still have one more reading assignment to do before tomorrow, but luckily it's not in a class where the professor calls on you randomly and expects you to launch into a soliquoy on the topic. It's almost 12:30, but I think I'll probably do this assignment now anyway.
  

My Top Five Fanfics
My top fanfic picks, as posted to Zendom (and yes, I cheated a little bit by combining two picks into one and throwing in another one entirely that I had almost forgotten about):

• Iolokus by MustangSally and Rivka T.
  
• Quiet by Jenn
  
• Stimulation by Kelly (tied with Courses, also by Kelly)
  
• A Question of Conduct by Annie M and DangerMom
  
• Christopher Ryan Scully Series by Jori Remington
  

Yes, there is a rhyme and a reason to these particular picks. Mail me if you're curious.

Jintian and Jemima have made their recs public as well.

This, That and Some More of This

Books I'm Reading: This is under "fun," btw, not mandatory. "Mosaic" by Jeri Taylor. Next up is "The Golden Compass" by Phillip Pullman that a co-worker gave me for my birthday last year and I still haven't made it past the first 15 pages. I probably should get it done before my birthday rolls around again. That would be a good thing.

Fanfiction I'm Reading: Barbara Watson's "Connect the Dots" series. She makes sense of gosh darn near everything. Long, but this series reminds me exactly of why I liked "Voyager" in the first place. Plus, her latest edition is about "Blood Fever." What's not to love? Also, I'm reading Contact High, a story that made the Top Five Fanfics of All Time lists of two zendom members.

Fanfiction I Want to Read: Okay, so this fic doesn't exist anywhere but in my head, but I'm dying for a Pretty Woman fic and I really did think I had a taker on that (hint, hint - you know who you are), but alas, her muse went off to greener pastures and I'm stuck with more questions. What happens to Vivian and Edward at the end? Do they live happily ever after? Does Edward get over his fear of heights? Does Vivian become a corporate raider? Dang it, inquiring minds need to know. Also, "LA Law" fic - I just mentioned the "Venus Butterfly" on a mailing list and that got my thoughts running about Michael and Grace - my very first 'ship. But darn it, there's just no "LA Law" fic out there.

Music I'm Listening To: Sarah Brightman's La Luna, Enya's The Memory of Trees and yes, Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes. I did have an Evita and Miss Saigon moment last week, but it's impossible for me to get through the last few minutes of Miss Saigon without completely bawling.

Most Amazing Site I'd Like to Completely Read One Day: Welcome to the Gossamer project which has practically every "X-Files" story ever written in it. Amazing work and I think it's updated nearly daily. Wow.

Site I Have Completely Read in One Day: Kelly's Janeway Fiction. There is something so incredibly addictive about Kelly's fic. I really was just going there to reread one story, "Courses," and I ended up reading nearly everything there. "Visitor" is my favorite and "Stimulation" is beyond words to adequately describe. BTW, "Stimulation" ended up on two of the lists of zendom members' Top Five Fanfics of All Time (yes, I was one of them).

Things I Should Be Doing Instead of Blogging: Research Rupert Murdoch (the man owns everything) and write about him. Review investment accounting because I'm so bad at it, take a look at the currency LP, write a paper on the SEC's new position on earnings and what ought to be revealed, and eat dinner. Not necessarily in that order.

Site rec: The Microsoft Lexicon. I especially like "I don't have the bandwidth to deal with this" (I know who I'd love to say that to - only problem is he wouldn't get it!) and "Bloatware" (Microsoft? Nah, never). Also there are such classics like "undocumented features" (oh boy, do I know about these), "gronk" (um, yeah), "ping" (hey, I do that!), and "reality distortion field" (in other words, my life). I'm such geek.

blogger did something bizarre with yesterday's post. It should have read "Happy Diwali. So, happy Diwali! (Technically, four days of celebration means I'm not late with this).

Site Rec 2: google.com Not that google needs help from me or anything because they are cooler than sliced bread, but I have to give props to a site that changes its logo in honor of the birthday of one of my favorite painters: Claude Monet.

Sal Mubarak!

Happy No comments:

On a lighter note...

Jemima has reviewed a classic fan work, namely The Eye of Argon. This was a challenge from the members of Zendom and Jemima rose to the occasion very well. If you haven't read "The Eye of Argon," well, some things have to be read to be believed.

Dysfunction has set in again. One minute, I was watching Katie Couric interview the adorable actor who plays Harry Potter in the upcoming movie and the next moment, the shot of Queens comes up, with billowing smoke in the distance. Another plane has crashed. And honestly, I just sat there riveted for about fifteen minutes, wondering when they were going to say something else had happened. I emailed Bryan instantly, because he lives in Queens, and I don't know how close Rockaway is to Bayside, but still, the concern is very much there. I also had to change my plans for the day. I had planned to work from home in the morning, go to class and then head into the office for the afternoon, but then within 15 minutes, I decided to go into work in the morning and then work from home in the afternoon when more details would be known and I wouldn't feel the need to watch every single second as it unfolded. However, it's amazing how raw the events of September 11 still are and I'm almost ashamed to say that as I drove here, I was absolutely terrified. So much for bravado, so much for getting on a plane, so much for anthrax - for the first time, I was truly terrified. Only time will tell what the situation truly is, but that's another 255 lives and who knows how many people on the ground, given that it crashed in a heavily residential area? At any rate, I'm hoping to hear from Bryan very soon.

My review of the latest ENT ep, "Breaking the Ice" is below. I can't review the "X-Files" unfortunately as my VCR cut out before the end (just when things were getting good), but I'll gather my thoughts together on that after I see part II.

Breaking the Ice

In a character-by-character run through:

* Archer - we see two sides of Archer in this ep. First, he is genuinely interested
in the Fourth Grade class - he takes time to answer questions carefully and in a
warm tone. Nicely done. However, that irrational dislike of Vulcans - boy, he
really doesn't like them, which begs to ask the question, why would he ask
T'Pol to stay on Enterprise anyway? I think it goes with the territory that
captains can be headstrong, but the climax of this ep - ie saving Reed &
Mayweather - well, that was a little too headstrong and prideful, so there is a
flaw in our captain's armour.

* T'Pol - this is the first time we get a sense of T'Pol as something *other*
than Vulcan. She is genuinely hurt when Tucker reads her private email. It's a
given that T'Pol would value her privacy, but she transcends that by reaching
out when she truly does need advice. It gives credance to the fact that T'Pol
isn't really a cold fish, but someone who is out of water - she needs to feel
comfortable and Trip's apology is probably the first time someone has made
any kind of overture to her. Think of Trip's comments that he had never seen
her quarters before - you get the feeling that T'Pol stays to herself because
she knows that the crew, Archer included, doesn't like her. So a good way to
soften out T'Pol's edges.

* Trip> - Ah, Trip. He's so adorable, no matter what he does. He feels genuinely
upset when he discovers that T'Pol's mail was actually of a personal nature.
He's also shy in some ways - he'd rather talk about warp coils than 'poop
questions.' He's definitely not a natural in front of the camera, so to speak, as
evidenced by his comments to the Fourth Grade class. But his scenes with T'Pol
were genuine - he did care and he wanted to help. Nice element to his
character. Though I *still* can barely hear that southern accent (though I have
a theory on why I can't hear it).

* Reed and Mayweather - look for these two to be the buddies on ENT. On
DS9, we had O'Brien and Bashir, VOY it was Tom and Harry and on TNG it was
Geordi and Data. So voila, Reed and Mayweather. These two exemplify
exploration - they want to be out there, they want to be doing stuff, they are
not afraid, unlike others on ENT. They also have a sense of fun - they are not
by any means straight-laced boring officers. (I sense much slash fic in our
future with these two). We still don't know much about their histories, but we
did learn a little more about their personalities in this ep.

* Sato - once again, not much there for this ensign. However, she did have a
nice moment in front of the camera with the fourth grade class. Her teaching
background seemed to come out, as she explained her job very seriously, but
not condescendingly. She also had the job to unencrypt (is that word?) T'Pol's
message, but refused to read it, given us the idea that Sato has a level of
consideration for T'Pol that other crewmembers may not necessarily have.

* Dr. Phlox - He is overly... over the top. It's almost like the galaxy is a brand
new petrie dish for him. So nothing new here for this mysterious doctor, other
then the fact that it's been re-enforced that he's from Denoblian (?) galaxy.

So in terms of character, pretty strong.

'Shipper Watch:

Trip/T'Pol - woohoo! Now there is some serious 'shippyiness there. These two
seem to relate on some level, and Trip in some ways reminds me of Tom
Paris, except more genuine (I'm talking first season Tom, not later reformed
Tom ). T'Pol is a little Seven-like in her cadence and movements, but
given her development this ep, I bet we get less of an ice princess attitude as
time goes on. And don't you think Trip is the perfect one to melt that icy
exterior?

My questions:

What did Vanick have to do with anything? What did he say at the end of the
episode to T'Pol?

Why did T'Pol change her mind about the engagement, even after she had
argued with Trip about it?

Why *are* the Vulcans following the humans around?

Why is Archer so irrational to the point that he almost sacrificed two lives? Is
there something we need to know?

The tell-tale pain in my arm is settling in again. I guess that's what you get when you attempt to respond to all of your email in one day. At any rate, I guess it's a pretty good indication I should call it a night (or an afternoon...)

One fanfiction genre I'm not completely sure of: Music groups. There are no less than 7645 fics about *NSync, 3047 fics about the Backstreet Boys, 353 about Britney Spears, Tori Amos merits 12, and even Rage Against the Machine has 3 fics, not to mention the occasional cross-over fic when two bands end up in the same fic. Even the boy band - the one that started it all - from my youth, NKOTB (New Kids on the Block), have their own fic category. Reminds me of a genre of "X-Files" fic which has David Duchovney dumping Tea Leoni so he and Gillian Anderson can run off together - that adds an entirely new dimension to 'shipper fic, I have to say.

The local NBC affiliate boasts that it is the only station with a weatherman who has a PhD in forensics earth science. I guess this means that if someone kills a tree, this guy can figure out what happened.

Someone on the P/T Collective brought up personal theme songs. I don't think I could just have *one* song, but I've finally settled on an album of songs - specifically, Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes.. This is one album that has never ceased to move me (or the angst bunny for that matter) and some of the songs really mean something to me, such as China, Girl (which lately has been as close to a personal anthem as I can get), Silent All These Years, and Winter. So yes, I am cheating. But if I had to pick one song from these, it would probably be Silent All These Years.

Pettiness...

Someone has gone and deleted Perfection, the C/7 fanfic index. The index was created in a way that anyone could update the site and add their comments without having to worry about FTP or HTML. And it was very, very cool - but apparently, someone has taken advantage of the 'openness' of wiki and used it against the group. The list moms are working to get the site back up, but it's still infuriating and I feel bad for them. Someone out there evidently has too much time on their hands.

This incident reminds me of the way the DS9 fandom used to be segregated back when I first started writing - W/Ders versus J/Jers, and trust me, it wasn't pretty. In fact, the flame wars were legendary - with rude messages being left in guestbooks and on message boards. I thought it was immature back then, and it's immature now. Okay, fine, you don't like *insert pairing here* but is it really necessary to hack up a website? To leave rude messages in guestbooks? To me, it seems like a waste of energy. Think about how that time could be spent instead - how about writing fic about *your* favorite pairing? Frankly, if I don't like a pairing, I avoid it. No need to spend precious bandwith or online time flaming authors or webmasters.

The last flame war between W/Ders and J/Jers led to the creation of the antiflame petition, which I host on the WDFA. As far as I know, this antiflame petition has kept JEWEL fairly honest and what's more interesting, we have a couple J/Jers who have 'signed' also. Unfortunately, not many people have expressed interest in signing after the initial draft was published and voted on by JEWEL. So, if you're interested in making cyberland a happier place to be, let me know.

I've added my Gladiator fic and my one X-Files fic to the site.

Woohoo! After many nailbiting hours (okay, four), I learned this morning that yes, I have been accepted at EDHEC- France, one of the top European business schools for next summer. Whew! Not only that, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a scholarship as well. I'm so psyched. I always regretted not going abroad during my undergrad years, especially since I love to travel, and now, I get the chance to spend the summer in Nice and Lille. Life really doesn't get better than this, does it?

Well, I finally stumbled in at 12:30 last night. The whole project looks dubious, but we think we explained (ah the beauty of language - semantics are wonderful) it and hopefully, there are enough numbers there that these few arbitrary ones - boy, were we arbitrary towards the end - hopefully will slip by without much scrutiny.

Don't try this at home, kids - this is definitely the thing that will land you in hot water with the SEC, not to mention the possibility of prison time (though we're convinced that half of our class will end up in jail for white collar crimes as it is - as my teammate said, we'll have a lot of visiting to do after graduation. Yeah, consider that MBA humor). At any rate, we still believe the Cadbury has a lot of explaining to do and their shareholders probably should take a closer look at those statements - talk about voodoo (if anyone can figure out where the $713 group operating profit on their statement of loss and profit comes from and how it relates to the cash flow, drop me a a line. Where those numbers come from, where they go - boy, the SEC could have fun with these guys. However, it's safe to say at this point, none of us will ever be employed as financial analysts in the future.

Well, that's half of a project down, 4 more to go. I think sleep, at this point, is an unnecessary luxury. I suggested that I stop paying rent and move into the computer lab and one of the 2nd years said he had heard rumors of someone who had done that once. One benefit? Internet access all of the time - talk about feeding the addiction.

BTW, "Fall of Shadows I" is up now at VVS8/a>.

11:15 pm.

It's 10:48 pm and do you know where you are?

The night is still young. Most of it has been spent battling Cadbury Schweppes' financial statements, but thanks to a little plug category called "Other Financing Activities" in the cash flow statement (don't ask - my teammate has dubbed this category 'Seema's Nondisclosure information', but hey, it works!). It's one of those deals where if your balance sheet is off, then your income statement goes bezerk, and then the cash flow is completely off kilter. And then if you even *think* about adjusting the balance sheetl, then it's all over for the cash flow and you have to start all over again. Hence, the plug was necessary. Thanks to this rather dubious new category, I think there might be an end in sight. As soon as we come up with an approriate explanation for "Other Financing Activities." We won't even talk about the rather sketchy accumulated depreciation numbers and the hideously low interest expense. There is definitely something fishy about the way Cadbury Schweppes operates - we didn't have this problem with Hershey's or Rocky Mountain Chocolate (yes, we're analyzing the confectionary industry). So many numbers, so little time... we're hoping the prof won't notice.

Between this chocolate project and the McDonalds' case project we presented last week... it's fattening just thinking about it.

It's now 10:53 pm. No, I don't think I'm going home anytime soon.

Here's the official summary information for "Fall of Shadows": The crew is left helpless as families are divided, while the Equinox crew and Captain Janeway are brought to trial. Like I mentioned before, Part I airs tomorrow at VVS8 and Part II will air the following week.

Last change, I think. This one, I like.

Someone ended up here using a search for "T'Pol" and "Jolene Blalock." I bet they were disappointed.

Retrospect got reviewed. I was hoping no one picked up on the title issue, but there you have it... some people are sharper than I am, I might as well admit it, and by the time I realized the snafu, it was too late. And the fault is mine, not the producers, as I selected the title - I should have gone with my original alternative titles, either "Other Echoes" or "Shades of Gray." *sigh*

At any rate, my next episode, "The Fall of Shadows," will air this week and next week. Consider this my most ambitious story since Lines in the Sand, and equally energy-sapping. Since finishing my second draft last week, I have been unable to do anything but edit existing work, some of which has been sitting on my hard drive since May. I do have to get my act together and make some last minute edits to "Fall of Shadows," but it's mostly completed at this time, which is a relief, as for the longest time, this ep was an albatross around my neck.

At any rate, "Fall of Shadows" will make very little sense if Zeke's "Rise and Fall" is not read first and "Fall of Shadows" will also make very little sense if not followed up with the last story in this arc, Jeffrey Harlan's "Jurisprudence," not to mention that I've added a few details necessary for later follow-up, which may seem out of place. At any rate, I hope you enjoy. Me, I'm going to sit back with a margarita or two and take a break.

I'm watching The American President, and it's very disconcerting that Michael Douglas is the president and Martin Sheen is not - Martin plays the Chief of Staff, but anyway, it's very strange, because Martin Sheen looks just as presidential as Michael Douglas, if not more presidential. Very, very strange. I keep thinking I'm in a strange episode of "The West Wing." At any rate, this is a very cute movie with some great lines in it. Consider this a rec. I might have to add it to my Top Ten movie list.

How's that again?

Actual conversation from Managerial Architecture & Organizational Economics this morning:

Professor: The European Union's new structure is becoming increasingly interdependent.
Student: Just like they were years ago.
Professor: Are you talking recently?
Student: No.
Professor: Well, Europe used to be made up of kingdoms and I don't see that they were necessarily interdependent.
Student: I was thinking about during the Roman Empire, actually.

And now that I think about it, yes, I can see that the Roman Empire actually had an M-shaped organizational architecture - with its multinational and geographic divisions, not to mention decentralized decision making rights.

In this same class, a few of our international students got into a argument about whether the Germans liked the Dutch or not; one student was especially insistent than the Germans did not like the Dutch, however the German in our class vehemently disagreed with this statement. I was amused.

I've also realized that our cohort is filled with some fine criminal minds - as evidenced by this conversation in Financial Accounting:

Student: Actually, I buy and sell houses and accelerate the depreciation on them for tax purposes.
Professor: Uh...
Student: It works. Saves on taxes.
Professor: I wouldn't do that. No, otherwise you'd be wearing stripes.
Student: I don't do it. I hired someone else to do it for me.

Trust me: this was the most mild of schemes to manipulate the books today. I was quite frankly impressed by the ingenuity of my classmates.

New look. Yes, I know, but the other one was too dark and the style sheets and Netscape were not getting along. Hopefully this will be better.

I have a strange, strange desire to write songfic. Here is the song which has inspired me.