Ficlet excerpt

A very, very rough draft - I'm still incorporating the beta comments, but everyone else is doing this... so I thought I'd give y'all a sneak peek at what I'm working on, especially since my usual timeline for getting fics out is several months after the first draft is completed. Or sometimes, never out...

Verita da Cuore

Chakotay and I talked a lot about Voyager - the conversation always seemed to drift in that direction. Poor Sweta - she couldn't join in these conversations, but she was always polite, always interested. I think she realized that Chakotay loved Voyager, more than any of us ever suspected. But I understand. Emotions aren't always easy for those of us still searching for our places. It's easier to shut down than to acknowledge feelings; it saves you from getting hurt. In the end though, Chakotay saw Voyager for what it was - a place where we belonged, a place where people cared.

The fact that people cared was no mistake, Admiral. You had a lot to do with that. You managed to come across as a confidant, a leader, a friend, a scientist, and a diplomat. I always admired the ease in which you juggled your various roles. And yes, I did see the way you clenched your jaw sometime, the way you'd sometimes stare at someone beneath half-hooded eyes when you were doing your best to restrain your anger. You managed to maintain that ironic sense of humor, that edge of steel in your voice, not to mention a certain amount of emotional restraint.

I'm not sure that you ever realized the effect you had on the crew - that one word from you could inspire us all. Or if you ever knew that your retreat into darkness, into a place where we couldn't follow, set us all on a downward spiraling? I'm wondering if you ever knew just how much we revered you.

It occurs to me now that we never told you.

And now that I think about it, I realize that so many times, I took your openness as an invitation for rebellion. I was brave enough to challenge your authority on a number of other subjects, but I could never, ever ask you, to your face, why you denied yourself those things that everyone else on your ship was privileged to have. I'm not just talking about friendship - but really, Admiral, when the Doctor himself noticed the distance you put between yourself and your crew, emotionally and socially? Isn't that telling in itself?