Armabloggen IV

Jemima's Annotated Guide to the Blog Wars

Prelude: How an Ensign Became a Poolboy and The Poolboy Diaries (Seema, realpeople fic)
"I Blame Lori" (Seema)
The "Tobacco Company" Insult (Lori)
The "Enabler" Accusation (Seema)
Declaration of War (Lori)
Response to Declaration of War (Seema)
Blog Wars I (Lori, TOS)
Blog Wars II (Seema, VOY)
Blog Wars III (Lori, TNG)
Blog Wars IV (Seema, DS9)
Blog Wars V (Lori, ENT)
Blog Wars VI (Seema, ENT)
Declaration of Neutrality (Seema, Liz)
The War in Liz's Blogback and Jemima's Dare to Conscript Her (Liz's blogback)
The Son of Blog War! (Lori, ENT)
Eviction from Switzerland (Liz)
The Attack of William James (Seema, Jemima)
Armabloggen I (Jemima, BtVS)
Interludes (Seema, TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, ENT)
Armabloggen II (Jemima, BtVS)
Armabloggen III (Lori, DS9, BtVS, TNG, tiny bit VOY & ENT)
Armabloggen IV (Seema, TNG, realpeople, etc.)
Armabloggen V (Jemima, BtVS, VOY, etc.)
Armabloggen VI (Lori, TOS/TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT/BtVS, realpeople)


Beverly Crusher stepped out of her shuttle. Finally here, she thought. Too long hanging out with Will Riker; he spent an obscene amount of time talking about himself. Actually, no, Beverly realized. It was more of a preening thing with Will - standing just so, stroking his beard this way and that, and trying out different voices and intonnations.

As Beverly turned the corner, she ran smack into a woman who looked a little too young to be wandering around DS9 by herself. Actually, Beverly speculated, everyone looked young to her these days; how long had it been since she first set out on the Enterprise? And all she'd gotten for her troubles was the occasional hike up the mountains with a phaser rifle, a love affair with a ghost and a unpleasant swim in a holodeck simulation. Her mood lightened though, when she realized that she had finally taught Data how to dance without tripping over his own feet; now that was the proudest achievement of her career if she said so herself.

"I'm sorry!" Beverly exclaimed. "I didn't see you coming." Beverly chided herself; she really should have been paying more attention.
Even if the Dominion War was long over, the chief of security on the station had recently declared that due to the problem with the vols, "We must be vigiliant." Apparently, the vols had recently gotten into the wiring and as a result, there were minor explosions all over the station casuing heart beats to skip at an abnormally high rate, causing Bashir to faint with overwork. As a result, security fanned out with the determination to capture these errant vols. The recent blog wars had not done much to ease the tension on DS9 either and Crusher hoped that that particular matter would be resolved soon.

"That's all right," the woman said. She looked anxious. "I'm looking for Colonel Kira. I think I might be running late for a meeting."

"Well, as luck would have it, I'm on my way there as well. Beverly Crusher."

The woman looked impressed. "As in Dr. Crusher from the Enterprise?"

"Yes."

"Seema." The woman extended a hand.

"Ah," Crusher said. "You're the reason why we're here. Really, young lady, you should be doing something more worthwhile with your time instead of starting blog wars. You've got half the quadrant at a loss for what to do. For instance, why not-"

At that moment, a handsome blond man who bore a startling resemblance to a cadet Wesley had once gone to school with - Thomas Locarno - approached, slightly out of breath, but holding out a PADD. Crusher gasped. Should this Locarno person be in the brig or something?

"Ah, Robbie, thank you," Seema said. She held out the PADD. "Instructions on how to get to the meeting. Well, frankly, I'm surprised that our case has attracted so much attention. You know, it was really a minor spat between Lori and myself. In fact, it's not even worth of comment as it was all completely tongue-in-cheek. Now it has grown into something else. I didn't even know the scope of the matter until I was summoned here by the Colonel."

Crusher and Seema continued down the hallway, Robbie following at a respectful distance.

"Captain Picard has taken a personal interest in your case. He dispatched me and Commander Riker to try and negotiate a truce between Lori and yourself."

"Lori and I are fine," Seema said, dismissing the comment airily. "We're just having fun. Besides, this has been an interesting experience and I've realized that people are more interested in my spur of the moment writings and thoughts than in the stories that I slave over for months at a time. Funny thing that, but yesterday, five times more people tuned in for the blog wars than to the fanfiction that I've worked on for months. I'm not sure how that makes me feel."

Crusher stopped. "So you and Lori are fine?"

"Sure," Seema shrugged. "It's everyone else who has been overreacting to the situation. Even Christine was worried about the lack of bloodshed, calling this a battle with no glory. But I do have to say, there has been a new and unexpected development. Jemima."

Crusher drew back, almost in fear. "Our Lady of the AU?"

"Yes."

"Fearless quoter of William James?"

"Yup."

"Recently made a pilgrimage to the land of the Slayer?"

"That's the one," Seema said. She continued down the halls of DS9. "She's added a whole new element to this thing. Now, it may get more serious. But Lori and I are confident we can take her on. It's just a question of creativity, verbosity and the ability to juggle fandoms. And in addition, we've got our poolboys."

Crusher frowned. "Poolboys?"

"Yup. Have I introduced you to Robbie?" Seema nodded at the blond man still following them. "He takes care of the administrivia while I'm writing. He even baited a troll out on ASC for me while I waited with bated breath. Don't know what I'd do without him. Really, Beverly, you should consider getting one for yourself."

"No, not for me, thanks," Beverly said. They stepped into the turbolift. "So why are you doing this bloggish business anyway if it's really all in good spirit?"

"It just happened one day," Seema said. The turbolift lurched and Beverly felt her heart leap into her throat. "How long can you outwrite someone else? Try it. You'll see that it's quite the excercise in creativity, not to mention, it's often difficult to keep coming up with something that's new and exciting. And funny. But that's the challenge and that's what Lori and I have really been at war for - inspiring the muse in strange new ways. Plus, we get to poke fun at little aspects of fandom and powers that be without having to devote entire stories to the thing. That, you see, is the glory Christine was talking about."

The turbolift doors opened and the three of them made their way across the Promenade and down a flight of stairs to a conference room. Crusher peeked inside. She saw Riker - dang it, she had been hoping he'd find a large mirror somewhere to amuse himself - along with Chakotay, that renegade Maquis leader who seemed to have leaves sprouting from his head, a blond Borg drone, and a group of people she did not recognize; one had an accent that reminded her curiously of Jean-Luc Picard.

Idily, Beverly wondered what Jean-Luc was up to. She was so glad he had allowed her to take this mission; it had been so long since she had been allowed to do anything worthwhile. Most of the time, she just sat in the meeting room and offered just one piece of advice: "If we don't do something, Captain, they will all die." And she usually said it just in time for some really loud music to come on. That was Jean-Luc's cue to make a move and for Will to strike a pose.

Beverly sighed; sometimes her colleagues could be so predictable. As Beverly scanned the room, she saw a woman of inderminate age standing with two men and a parrot. Beverly shook her head; so much for predictability. In addition, she noticed Worf passed out on the floor, his glass skull shattered by the baseball which rolled back and forth near his head; Beverly had wondered before anyone would have realized that the thick-skulled Worf was really a delicate china doll. Beverly also noticed a paper-thin woman with a perpetual scowl on her face - as if she'd eaten something rotten - being chased around the room with a man, holding a fork in one hand and plate of pecan pie in the other. Things were getting weirder by the minute and Beverly once again wondered what Jean-Luc was up to. She also wondered what Deanna Troi was up to.

At that moment, the parrot squacked. "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST! SOMEONE BURNED THE ROAST, SOMEONE BURNED THE ROAST!"

"Ah, there's Earl. Some things never change," Seema said in satisfaction. "Excuse me, while Lori and I hammer out a game plan. Jemima will be here any minute and honestly, I've got a thing or two to say to her about calling me 'slander' and I know Lori will take exception with being nicknamed 'Libel.' Ha!" With that, Seema flounced off, leaving Crusher to exchange a confused gaze with the woman apparently heading up the meeting - the long suffering Kira Nerys.