Blog Wars VI

Declaration of War
Response to Declaration of War
Blog Wars I
Blog Wars II
Blog Wars III
Blog Wars IV
Blog Wars V (read first or Blog Wars VI won't make sense)
Declaration of Neutrality


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"So let me get this straight," Archer said as he and Tucker made their way down the corridor. "Two fanfic writers who use this 'blog' as a form of communication need us to mediate in their dispute. What is this dispute about again?"

"Well, according to Hoshi, it was a mess of acronyms," Tucker said. "But looks like it's over who really should take responsibility for the writing of a fanfic. Seema insists that Lori is responsible, but Lori denies the charge."

Archer looked confused. "Well if Seema wrote it -"

"And that's another thing," Tucker said. He hesitated. "Captain, I haven't been completely honest with you about something."

Archer stopped. "What is it, Trip? You know, you can tell me anything."

"Well, it's about T'Pol."

"You don't think she's the logical one for this mission?"

"No, I know she is. If anyone can talk sense into these two, then it's T'Pol. No, what I'm saying, is that sometimes fanfic isn't so off from the truth."

"I never even heard of fanfic until today. What is it?"

Tucker shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Basically, it's stories written about characters. Taking them a step beyond where the so-called powers that be won't. It usually involves, well, compromising positions. Or declarations of love. Or something like that."

Archer stared. "What?"

"Sometimes there's action. Lots of injuries as well," Tucker said. "Those usually end up in hurt/comfort genres. Meaning, one person is hurt, the other one comforts them, and then they fall in love."

Archer kept staring. "So who are these... characters? You're talking about bookslike 'Moby Dick', right?"

"Not exactly. You, me, T'Pol, Hoshi." Trip waved a hand. "Some of what these fanfic writers come up with, well, it's interesting.

"They write stories about us?" Archer stared. "Now, that can't be true."

"It is," Tucker said earnestly.

Archer swore as he stomped up and down the corridors. "What do they write?"

"Everything. Um, you, Malcolm-" Trip looked anxious.

"Me and Malcolm?"

"Especially you and Malcolm."

Archer ran a hand through his hair. "This has got to stop. It's crazy. Get me Command -"

"Too far out of sensor sweep," Tucker reminded his captain. "Besides, voice communications have been down for the last two days. That's how we got into the trouble with the Dorians. Who knew that saying 'hello' in Morse code is tantamount to declaring war on the Dorians?"

Archer's face was still red. "I don't like the sound of this 'fanfiction' business."

"Think of it as a compliment," Trip said. "The admire us. Remember, we're the first crew. Everything is new and exciting. We're going boldly where no man has gone before. And besides -" Trip preened indelicately in front of his captain -"I think they like my accent."

Archer frowned. "Don't be ridiculous." He sighed. "What is your concern then about T'Pol?"

"The logic of sending T'Pol on this mission is unparalleled, I admit. But you've got to know about what's going on in fanfic. I'm just going to have to be blunt and come right out and say it. T'Pol has feelings for me. Or rather, I have feelings for her. And we have a lot of something called UST. And we both eat a lot of pecan pie."

Archer snapped his fingers and resumed walking. "I knew we had a shortage of pecan pie lately. Well, we'll stock back up the next time we go back to earth. I think Malcolm wanted to test out the transporter again."

Trip blanched; he really hated, hated, hated that transporter. The very idea of taking oneself apart and being put back together cell by cell was really unappealing. More unappealing than starting a romantic relationship with T'Pol. And come to think of it, there was a rather sinister twinkle in Archer's eye as he made the comments regarding Malcolm.

"So that's why I'm not sure T'Pol would enjoy this type of mission," Trip continued. "I don't think she would take these kinds of stories seriously enough to be able to logically mediate this dispute."

Archer stared. "So who do you suggest?"

Trip quirked a grin. "Well, it might work if you sent me along with her..."

Archer looked surprised. "But you don't like T'Pol..."

Tucker shrugged. "I know, but I've been reading this fanfic stuff and it seems those writers, well, it seems like they've got a point. Some of the things they write about, well, I wish they happened to me more often. Would make life more exciting."

Archer threw up his hands. "If you'd like to go, go. It's too short notice to get someone to take care of Porthos, so the mission is yours."

Tucker grinned as Archer turned to walk in the opposite direction. As soon as Archer was gone, Tucker rubbed his hands together and headed towards T'Pol's quarters. Yes, he thought, this fanfic dispute could be very, very interesting.