Discombulated Me

Just various thoughts...

Liz Barr made me a pretty little graphic that goes nowhere. I've always wanted a graphic to put on my site that goes absolutely nowhere. Other people have them - it's kind of like a teasing thing, you know? I mean, in the sense that they belong to a clique, but you can't ever find out anything more about it and this graphic is just there, taunting you (Or maybe just me - I'm the curious type). So now I have one as well. I just have to figure out where to put it.

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Guilt. Victoria and Jenn both mentioned it. Victoria feels guilty about not updating her blog. This I can relate to. I used to feel this way, but lately I haven't been. I haven't got anything to say really, and my RL has gotten out of control. About the fic - don't feel guilty about that either. I always feel weird when I'm being prolific. Because in my head I always think, "Well, since I wrote a story last week, how good can this one possibly be?" And I also think whether people might get tired of constantly seeing my name on ASC or on mailing lists. Plus, having no time to write as of late - well, guilt cannot be an option right now. Even if I do miss writing.

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Sat down with Karen today to plan the trip. In about two hours, we had our entire first week itinerary done. We went to Barnes & Noble, had coffee, pulled out the travel books and the maps, and voila. Then it was a quick walk down the sidewalk to the travel agency where the nice travel agent agreed to make all of our reservations for trains and hotels. Lovely. We're done except for the Spain portion of the trip. I feel so much less stressed now.

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Voted in the ASC Awards today even though I said I was done. I realized that I had forgotten someone whom I think I may have forgotten in the VOY Awards as well. Which I'm not happy about. There might still be a story or two left to vote for in MIS, which I might do sometime tomorrow, but don't count on it.

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I haven't seen ER. Missed it last night because we were working on the Operations final. I did tape it though, but didn't see it today either because I spent time this morning on the Operations final as well as planning the trip. Maybe I'll watch it tomorrow evening.

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Spent $50 in the grocery store today. That's how empty my cupboards were. Really, really empty. No juice, no milk, no bread, no vegetables, nothing. Just saltines. That's what I had for breakfast. Saltines. How sad is this? But now I have bagels. And cream cheese. And vegetables. And lots of other really good things. So I'm very, very happy.

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How much does a fanfic award mean to someone? I mean really, how much does it mean? Does it mean enough to cheat? I've always wondered. If you cheated and won, wouldn't you know you cheated and if so, wouldn't it be a tainted award? I'd rather not get an award at all, under those circumstances. In fact, I can see the votes coming in and know I'm not going to win anything, but that still wouldn't drive me to stuff the ballot. I just don't get it.

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I'm a single fandom girl. I admit it. I feel strange, knowing how many fandoms other people have been in during the same time I've been in just Trek. Brief forays in Gladiator and X-Files, notwithstanding. I don't know what it is about Trek that I adore, that keeps me here. I think it's the people. The shows and actors help, but I like Trek people. Plus, I admit it - I'm way too lazy to learn even more canon. Trek canon itself makes my head spin even though I'm constantly looking stuff up or asking people.

I think I just feel myself getting better in Trek. I'm not one of those people who is insta-good no matter where she goes. So I like the comfort of Trek. I like that I know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I don't want to feel inadequate in another fandom again. So, Trek it is. And thanks to ENT, I probably have another seven years ahead
of me as well.

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Got some lovely, lovely pieces of feedback today. I was very happy. All three emails were from people I've never heard from before. I love it when that happens and they cheered me up greatly. Especially the one from the J/J fan who said that she liked my stories even though they were W/D. And of course, the ASC Awards continue to make me happy. It really is all about the FB. Placement is incidental.