Saturday, June 29, 2002

Double Trouble

Confused? Check out the Blog Wars.

Seema was confused. Which was not a strange occurance because confusion is a perpetual state of being for Seema, but this was an interesting situation. At one point, there was an island. There was also a black minivan- which apparently was now multicolored, thanks to the misuse of a wand (which apparently had been misplaced by one of the cloak-wearing boot-shining Swiss), and then the various fandom muses - who the heck had time to keep up with them?

Seema tried to count all of the people who had come and gone. Various members of Trek fandoms, Buffy had come and gone - run off with Seven, if Seema recalled correctly, and at some point, that horrible duo of Richard and Em from "The Blue Lagoon" had been here, not to mention pontificator extraodinaire CJ Craig.

So now, they were all in the multi-colored minivan, which was curiously expanding to fit everyone. Liz, representing the Swiss Department of War was in the back, with her entourage; scary lot they were, decked out in black and saying strange things under their breaths. Christine was teaching Em the words to "Everyone Wants to Rule the World" while Jemima was offering Richard a well-needed logic lesson. Most of the poolboys were resting; they had worked hard during the previous blog wars and needed a little time off. This latest skirmish didn't seem to be quite as intense as its predecessors, which gave Seema the time to relax in the front seat of the minivan with Lori.

Lori was driving and this time, instead of careening through space, they were driving across a large body of water. The waves provided a little bit of turbulence, but in general, the minivan had a nice, smooth ride.

"So where do we go from here?" Seema asked Lori. Lori shrugged.

"I don't know," she said. "But look over there."

Standing on a little island were two blond teenage girls surrounded by an gaggle of little blue...

"Smurfs?" Seema asked incredulously.

"I say we vote them off the island!" Jemima exclaimed in excitement. Lori pulled over to the beach and opened the door so the blond girls and the smurfs could get on.

"No more," Seema said. She twisted around in her chair. "We've got members from five Trek casts, Mulder and Scully are back there *somewhere*, I don't know what's up with the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but at some point that was involved and I don't even want to go near that Harry Potter stuff."

"Hey!" Liz cried out in an injured tone of voice. "Give us some respect, will you?"

The smurfs at this point were clamoring for attention.

"Where are you going?" One smurf demanded. "This is a smurfy van and I can't smurf, but I want to smurf wherever you smurf."

"I'm Writer Smurf," the smurf with a pad of paper announced. He puffed out his chest. "I could tell you a thing or two if you'd like-"

"Oh shut up," Christine said crankily. She looked at the two blond girls. "And you are?"

"I'm Elizabeth Wakefield-"

"And I'm Jessica Wakefield-"

"And we're the Sweet Valley High twins!" the girls finished in unison.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Seema groaned. She had a vague memory of fluffyfic staring these two perfect 'California' blonds with size 6 figures. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," the one called Jessica said, "we heard a rumor that this was high school and of course we *had* to be here because we're everywhere worth being, you know."

"We're really cool," Elizabeth added. "And everyone knows it. It's like, we know *everything* about *everyone* and *everyone* like *everything* we do. It's really cool. So we thought we could come here because we like everyone liking us. Plus we like to get really, really involved and we're always doing like the latest and coolest things."

"This is *not* high school," Lori said. "It's *like* high school. There's a difference. No proms here, no cheerleaders, no nothing."

"But we were told..." Jessica looked distressed. At that moment, a fight broke out between Seven and T'Pol (which, btw, solved the question of where Seven had gotten herself off to). At some point, their voices grew so high pitched, it was almost impossible to comprehend what they were saying, but Seema gathered that it had something to do with one of them borrowing the other's catsuit and at some point, Chakotay's name kept coming up. Which was odd, as at this point, he was practically full in-grown and the poolboys were considering repotting him.

"What's their problem?" Elizabeth Wakefield asked. She looked close to tears. "Why can't everyone get along? I just want everyone to like everyone else."

At that moment, T'Pol punched Seven in the nose. The poolboys were collecting bets and Seema signalled to Robbie to get her another margarita.

"I mean, can't we all just agree to disagree?" Jessica asked just as Seven placed a well-aimed right hook in T'Pol's stomach.

"Move along, nothing to see," Jemima said in an attempt to break up the crowd standing around the catfighting women. The twins glared at Jemima. Richard was staring at them, his mouth wide open. Obviously, he was madly, deeply, truly in love. with one or both of these girls. Jemima hit Richard and he fell back against the seat, completely zonked out, his mouth forming the word 'why...'

Meanwhile, the Wakefield twins found themselves seats next to Mulder and Scully. In the meantime, the Mod Squad assembled for a hasty conversation. The poolboys could handle T'Pol and Seven, but really, they had a royal mess on their hands. Seema glared at Jemima.

"This was Jemima's fault," Seema said.

"Actually, I believe the blog wars were your fault," Jemima answered placidly.

"At any rate, we've got a problem," Lori said. She jabbed a finger back towards the Wakefield twins. "We're running out of room in this minivan and- oh oh."

"What?" The entire Mod Squad looked out the window.

"Uh, that's not good," Seema said slowly. She looked at the others and it was evident from their expressions that they agreed with her. "So now what?"

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