Friday, February 25, 2005


I wish there was a 'rebuttal' book to the bestselling "He's Just Not That Into You" (HJHNTIY) and if I had my way, it'd be called "You're Not That Into Him and This Is How You Call It Quits." Because, as much as it sucks when you like someone who doesn't like you back, it sucks just as much when you realize that while you value your relationship with the person, you're just not as into them as they are into you.

In my case, because on the surface everything makes sense, I keep hanging on, thinking "I can work on this, obviously, it's *me* and I just need to be *logical* because all of my desired variables are present." Even when I decided very recently that a relationship *wasn't* working and I had discussed the situation many times with S. about ending it completely, I still didn't have the guts to pick up the phone to call it quits. Instead, I kind of let it just drift away, only to be startled a few weeks later by a "Dear Seema..." email. In circumstances like this, I wish I'd just gone with my gut and made the first move; I wasn't that emotionally invested in the relationship, so I don't know *what* was holding me back from actually having the "we need to talk" conversation.

Unfortunately, relationships aren't mathematical and you can't ever make a gross generalization about your interactions with another person; in the end, you can't force something, no matter how much you want to, and you can't be as nice about it as you want to be either. If only it was possible to be as glib about ending a relationship as HJHNTIY makes it sound -- no matter what side of the equation you're on.

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