My heart is drenched in wine

I've been thinking a lot about feelings, or specifically the way you feel when someone treats you a certain way. I think sometimes there's a disconnect between the way someone thinks they're treating you and the way you feel. For a long time, I used to push those feelings away, like if I felt hurt or marginalized, that it didn't matter and that I was just being judgmental and difficult.

Now I realize that feelings are feelings; you feel a certain way (good or bad) because of something someone did to you or said to you and it's not a multiple choice test -- there's no 'wrong' or 'right' feeling. People say and act certain ways, whether consciously or not, to send you a signal of some kind. Sometimes, they aren't even aware of what they're doing, but the end result is the same -- you feel *something*. There's a saying: "People might forget what you said or did, but they'll never forget how they made you feel."

There are a couple of situations in my RL right now that I'm not feeling so good about. The people involved might think they are doing/have done the right thing, but their motivations don't change the way their actions made me feel (even if I could rationalize it and believe me, I've been much effort into trying). In one case, I'm actively working at trying to change my situation for the better because I do have some element of control and I do know things could be worse. Much worse.

The other situation, I have nothing except for the residual feeling and as much as I don't want to, I know I need to walk away and not look back. This will be my third clean break this year, and that makes me incredibly sad (and at least question my ability to judge people). But at least I'm getting smarter and recognizing that I deserve to be treated in a certain way and am not willing to put up with less.