Saturday, December 21, 2002

Is it just me or did the amount of spam on the Internet just increase? It could be that, as Lori says, the Internet is dead, and so I'm noticing the amount of spam much, much, much more - but really, it's got to be a crime that I get more spam than email I want to read. I want to email Jerry (whoever he is) and tell him I barely can handle buying tires on my own, letting own buying the auto repair shop he thinks I'm interested in. Katie really wants me to come and watch her on her web cam (Sorry, Katie, dial-up and all that, and so I've got to pass. But thanks for asking me to stop by!). I understand that Mrs. Sesko Sesko needs my help urgently enough that she needs to send me five or six emails a day asking for it (on a related note, so you all don't think I'm completely heartless, I did email Mrs. Sesko Sesko back and agreed to transmit all of my financial information to her for a 30 percent cut of the money and for her to come here, rather than me going to Nigeria - she never responded. I can only imagine that her dire circumstances have prevented her from reading email).

The viagra people are insistent that they can help me; I hate to burst their bubble, but no. The dieters claim I can lose up to 25 pounds in five days. Now there's a deal I can't turn down. Someone with no vowels in his names wants to help me succeed on E-Bay. Daniel Williams wants me to "reply now" - sorry, Daniel, I ignore friends and bulkmailers equally, so please don't take it personally. Henry has a way of tripling my portfolio; he obviously hasn't heard about the stock market's effect on my portfolio - how do you triple zero? Great Deals is offering me pasta (Pasta Pro is the best!) for the bargain price of $14.95 (eh, the grocery store sells a bag of spaghetti for about 83 cents. Unemployed me will have to pass on the high class pasta). Carl has tricks to teach me on winning at casino games - great, Carl, but I got your email a few months too late; where were you when I was playing the slots in Monte Carlo this summer? We could have made a killing together! (Actually, I did make six euros in Monte Carlo, after recouping my admission price to the casino and the amount I put into the slot machine at the same time. I also attracted a group of curious Italians who kept speaking to me in, you guessed it, Italian. I think there was a rumble for my slot machine after I finished).

And is anyone else as amused as me if you type in "spam" in the IE address toolbar for a search, the number one result comes back for MSN's new Internet service?

I present to you a fic rerun in dishonor of spam: How to Succeed in Hard Times...

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