D-Day

So I didn't trip, I didn't fall, and I think I looked at the photographer, but I'm not entirely sure. Graduation went smoothly enough. I had a bit of a struggle with the collar of my gown; the collar won and I ended up having a clump of hair stuck in the little tapey things you use to tack the collar onto your gown. And then, of course, the hood, which my friend Laura was very interested in, went smoothly enough with some adjustments made by my brother. This thing hangs against your neck and I could see the headline: "Candidate for MBA strangles self with hood minutes before receiving degree, film at 10." I also didn't trip over my own feet -- you laugh, but I have and I would.

As an undergrad, I didn't walk across the stage. They only had one graduation ceremony at UMASS and so our esteemed President Bulger (whose brother, btw, is wanted by the authorities on charges of mafia or racketeering or something equally unfortunate and unrespectable) merely said "Stand up, voila, you have a degree!" But here, they called our names individually. The Masters degree candidates went after the PhD students who all wrote dissertation topics that included words I simply didn't know the meaning of. If anyone knows what "Confluence of Shifting Particles in the Third Metasphere of the Sonora" is, do let me know; my mind boggles at how people even come up with topics like this.

I'd talk about our main commencement speaker, but I don't remember anything about him except that he was a former astronaut who had been into space. A lot. He praised our armed forces. A lot. So there was also a lot of random applause and cheering because this particular university has a very strong military tradition. The astronaut also happened to be a Marine and when he said the words "Semper fidelis," all I could think of was Harm saying to Mac, "Don't go getting all semper fi on me" ("JAG" btw -- I believe the episode was "Full Engagement"). But the astronaut didn't talk long so that was a Good Thing (tm).

My parents, uncle and brother were seated in the nosebleed section, but they had binoculars, apparently trained on my feet. My mom said she recognized me out of a sea of a 1,225 graduates because of my sandals. The sandals are important because they are clunky sandals. They are also important because I had to walk up steps all dignified like. The last time I wore clunky shoes and attempted stairs, I fell down the stairs. Honest to God. But this time, I didn't. I ascended the stairs with about as much dignity as someone wearing a cap that threatens to fall off any minute now, a collar that is yanking at my hair and that danged hood, could possibly muster (For those of you interested, my cap cooperated for exactly the amount of time required to walk across the stage and then to sit down again; it then fell off and refused to go back on my head).

I whispered my last name to the person who announced the names as we were instructed to do, so there was no mangling of said name. A very, very good idea. And then, two more steps, and I was shaking hands with Robert Gates, our new president, and former director of the CIA. (He had the best remark, btw, before the awarding of degrees. He said, "For all of you thinking of leaving early, I know who you are and I know where you live. Think twice."). Anyway, Mr. Gates looks at me and says, "Congratulations." By this time, things were starting to get blurry and I was getting verklemped. I shook hands with the dean of the business school and then a few more people whom I didn't recognize, and then one of my marketing professors (representing the MBA core program) and finally, the director of the MBA program and then my very supportive and helpful academic advisor.

Somewhere in all of that handshaking, I think I was supposed to locate the official photographer and smile. Or something. I don't know if I did. Anyway, I had intended to sit through all of the other names being called, but then so many people were leaving that finally there were only about 10 or 12 of us MBAs left. Mind you, it was around dinner time when we started, so it was a rough schedule to begin with. I finally snuck out around 9:30 (after my cell phone had been passed around to a bunch of people so that they could locate their families).

All in all, a very nice graduation ceremony. I've got my degree -- it came in a red leather tube stamped with the university seal -- and my name is spelled correctly. And I didn't trip. And I didn't cry though I came pretty darn close.