Thank you for your letter today, offering me a "diploma, delivered in days, from a non-accredited university"! Too bad I didn't know that I could get any diploma I wanted - MBA, Bachelors, PhD etc - by just calling your phone number. I probably could have saved the parental units money and gray hair. They're really ticked about the gray hair (most of it due to a concussion received one semester, but that's another story entirely and I don't suppose you care) and now I'm really bummed to find out that you could have helped me out with this. I probably could have avoided the concussion too.
By the way, since you were so nice to tell me about this stellar service, I thought I'd return the favor. Click here to find out how you can improve your business!
Thank you for your attention.